No Longer Hiding

Do you ever just look at someone and think, “Wow, I wish I had their life?” Do you ever look at someone and think they really have it all together?

Their house is always clean, their kids are well-behaved, they must have a lot of money, they are naturally beautiful, they get to do things I’d never dream of being able to do, or they have a dream job, etc?

I’ll be the first one to raise my hand. I’ll admit, I’ve done that.

I’ve looked at someone’s life and wished it was mine. I’ve also had people go on and on about how lucky I am to have a husband who works from home, homeschool my kids, go on vacations, and now go on this big adventure. I’ve had those things said in a nice way and also in a kind of snarky way.

But I think we have to be careful.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. No one knows what people go through.

If I told you I have crippling anxiety would you believe me? Would you have guessed that there are times in my life when I can’t go anywhere without Brian or that I can’t even drive myself? Did you know there are times I suffer from panic attacks? There are times I can’t breathe, get dizzy, or any number of other physical symptoms.

I have had to cancel things or not go to something I planned to go to because my anxiety wouldn’t let me. I can’t even tell you the amount of times I’ve made excuses for why we couldn’t do something or go somewhere because I didn’t want to tell anyone about my anxiety.

Even on this adventure, I have had times of panicking and not being able to do what I had planned to do that day.

Anxiety has taken so much from me but no one knows that. You see a family that gets to go on the adventure of a lifetime. You see the pictures of everyone smiling and having a great time.

But you don’t see the struggle behind that picture. You don’t see how I’ve had to structure my life around my anxiety so that I can function. You don’t see the frustration when my anxiety hits out of nowhere and I can’t figure out why or what triggered it.

You don’t see how aggravating it is that part of me knows there is no real threat or nothing to be anxious about but the other part of me responds like I’m in fight-or-flight mode.

I don’t write this for you to feel bad for me. I’m slowly working my way through figuring out how to battle this.

I have an extremely supportive husband. I have a friend that I can text anytime and ask her to pray when the anxiety becomes too much.

I have a God that is bigger than my anxiety.

The reason I am being vulnerable with this now is because God told me to. We are so quick to assume everyone’s life is better than ours but everyone, and I mean everyone, has their struggles.

Some of those struggles might be more visible than others but everyone has them. I’ve looked at someone and thought I wish I could be normal like them and not have to deal with this anxiety, but they have their struggles too and who is to say they don’t struggle with anxiety as well and are just really good at hiding it?

So I hope that if you read this and you struggle with anxiety or anything really, you know you aren’t alone. We don’t have to hide our struggles or be ashamed of them. I hope that you know you are loved.

Please feel free to reach out. I’d love to pray for you and remind you that you’re not alone.